Sometimes I Just Want to “Be”
If I had to describe myself in three words I would say I am: encouraging, kind and an overachiever. Now you might think labeling myself a self-proclaimed “overachiever” is a bad thing but I see it differently. I love that I shoot for the stars and dare to dream big. Especially as I age like fine wine into my mid-30’s, my desire to push myself has grown and grown.
Can you believe I even dubbed myself “The Highly-Motivated Bride” when I was prepping for my wedding day? I even have the shirt to prove it. Yes, I was bridezilla at the time but highly-motivated sounded so much better. I spent countless hours perfecting every last detail of my wedding down to monogrammed napkins and DIY beaded champagne flutes. It was craziness and drove me (and my family) a little batty. And, although I enjoyed my wedding, I am not sure if I was truly “in the moment” in many ways. I was too busy looking for the next best thing to add to the big day. Sometimes reaching for the starts means you miss the trees, clouds, and blue sky on the way up.
Become Wonder Woman in five minutes? Sign me up.
As my life has gone on, I have continued to be that person that always strives for more, more, more. Sites like Pinterest only make my crazy dreams seem even more possible. They have fueled my ego and actually have me believed I can hop into a closet and jump out as Wonder Woman. I have lost some weight, made a few tasty recipes and even DIY’ed a few fun craft projects along the way. But I have also found myself constantly in a state of wanting to be doing something, making something, crafting something, achieving something. The something changes every time but the why behind it doesn’t. The why is wanting to achieve greatness.
Sometimes I just want to watch paint dry… no really.
In my endless pursuit of this so-called greatness (aka success, accomplishment, “winning in life”), I have found myself exhausted, frustrated and unsure of myself. Sometimes I just want to “BE”. I want to stop trying to do something, be something, achieve something every single minute of every single day. I just want to chill and watch a show on Hulu or scrapbook or lay on my floor and stair at the ceiling. I want to not to plan and figure out how to turn my kid’s bedroom into a rock-climbing, jungle-themed playroom with a custom built bunk bed. I want to not shop for gruyere cheese and almond flour and other ingredients that I will only use once. I want to not learn about the benefits of essential oils and how to potty train my toddler in three days. I just want to be KATIE and maybe watch some paint dry… no really.
Just take a nap. You deserve it.
My mom is infamous for saying “Let’s just take a nap.” I used to get so frustrated with her when she said that. I was the one who wanted to get moving and start tackling another great project. Her lack of enthusiasm drove me crazy. I would respond by sputtering out “Carpe Diem” or even a little “YOLO” every once in a while. But maybe Mom has it right… sometimes you just need to take a nap. Screw becoming your best self all the time. Screw what other people think about who you are, what you do for your family, how fabulous your outfit looks, how tidy your house is. It’s time to breathe, relax and enjoy the every day.
Don’t miss the ride along the way.
So now that you have read this overachiever’s manifesto on how to take a chill pill, I would like to offer you a free pass to do whatever the heck you please. If you want to achieve something big, by all means, go for it. You can do it. You got this. But make sure you have the time, energy and motivation to do so. And don’t do it for the wrong reasons. Stay true to yourself and discover the projects and ambitions that fuel your fire not someone else’s. But if you find yourself missing the little moments of this life remind yourself that it’s ok to just “BE”.
And, when in doubt, take two chill pills and call me in the morning.